jesse: pt one
how is she? she's doing great. she's so much more active now (since she's only carrying one iv pack now). though she carries less, her dosage of antibiotics is more. so it may be another couple weeks before everything is cleared out of her. as a result of all this, dad is even less stressed now.
*******
i'm so excited for tomorrow. since its my day "off" school (though i'm in the studio 6 days a week anyways) i'll be having lunch with jesse ! this is a man of God, a brother, i've truly missed since i graduated from jackson. he's one of those unique individuals that you think of out of the blue (b/c ya miss him so)
so tomorrow we're (finally!) going to get a 'scheduled' opportunity to fill each other in our last .. four years (!)
*******
as i walked the 11 minutes of solitude from the bus stop back home (130am) i reflected on God's word i read this morning. God spoke profoundly into my life. i was reminded again (thank you!) that this life simply is NOT mine.
i often (so many many times!) chose comfort + security over the one (and only) thing that i claim means more to me than anything else in this world. its sad but true. how can i be so short sighted? its like choosing the second best (not even! sometimes i don't even know what is best) when the absolute best is offered to you, is handed directly to you, placed in your hands and you still refuse to accept it. yea, i mean, who does that? (me) i make some silly, silly choices. but despite my inadequancy to grasp God's best for me (something which never changes) He renders me to see (in His usual patient and unconditionally loving way) the one and only possible way to live my life ..
"Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit" - yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that." [ james 4.13-5 ]
305am. must continue this tomorrow (or next blog) goodnight! [ zzz ]
posted by poser! at 10:42 PM
2 Comments:
we really have no control over anything, really. its such a cruel, cruel illusion.
i dont think that is true... we are given free will. we have control over that. god has given us control over the choices in our lives, he has stepped back and allowed that. he CAN execute absolute power if he so chooses, but in wanting to have the closest loving relationship possible with his children, he has given us the gift of having free will.
read "the problem of pain" by cs lewis!
ooh. of course, you're right we DO have choice. thats prob why we chose to live for God.
when i wrote this i was tired. when i wrote "we really have no control over anything" i meant that we really have no absolute control as to what the exact outcomes of our choices will be. "its such a cruel, cruel illusion" i wrote from a worldly perspective wondering why life doesn't always go as WE want it to go. i know it prob doesNOT read like that to you so just in case for the future i'll just take that out. heehee
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